Hope #16- That I might someday understand why babies are taken so early

I can't sleep. My mind is not only filled with the normalcies of my everyday life...but are filled with thoughts of a special little two year old girl.

She's found a friend of a pigeon outside her hospital room window...and named her Hope.

She's won the heart of hundreds of people.

She's taught lots of valuable lessons to a bunch of adults....about..taking the time to enjoy today. Living life with her glass half full. Not letting cancer get in the way of dancing..and singing..and building things...loving her family...noticing things in life that others might pass right by.

Part of me is angry. I still can't understand why God lets little children die so early....
Why, when so many people are praying..is it not working?

Why can't she grow up with her two sisters? Why can't she see her first day of kindergarten? Why can't she learn to understand the grace of God?

Today, Mckenzie's family decided to bring her home and let her live out the rest of her life. The other option was a transplant, but the outcome looked grim. The doctors gave them the option and said they had made the right decision. They have given her 4-6 months to live.

Today, Mckenzie said she wanted to see her sister and go home. She's only two...but they took that as a sign. There are two things Mckenzie has requested...she wants to ride a bus and go on a boat. They have a disney cruise planned soon.

How do you explain to an 8 year old that her younger sister isn't going to be with them much longer?

I wish it was clear, the reason she has to go so soon. If we were able to see the bigger picture, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.

There was a rainbow outside the window of her room the other night. She noticed the rainbow and said, "see the colors, mommy...see the colors?" Despite all the needles, all the medicine, all the nurses and doctors and tests and anesthesia...she still takes the time to notice the simple things. Why can't we all do that?

I love you Mckenzie, and I'm not sure why you're being taken so soon. I can only think how sad heaven would be without any little children. I know God loves children. I know He had a purpose for your life. I know that His plan is being carried out. I know we'll see you again.

I saw a rainbow the same night Mckenzie did..and I'm ten hours away from her. I commented to my husband that it was the most perfect rainbow I'd ever seen. I think that rainbow belonged to her...and I'll never look at one the same way again.

Hope #15 - Better days Ms.Super famous cracker thin crust pizza girl

Yesterday my husband and I went to one of our favorite pizza places. Its a quirky kind of place, with lime green walls and beadboard ceilings, band posters and funny faces and sayings on the tables. The music is always playing loudly...usually songs of local bands..songs I've never heard before. The servers walk around with shirts straight from the auto body shop down the street with names like Spock gracing their nametags. When you walk in, you just pick the table that works best for you. I'll argue with anyone that its the best pizza in the city with its sweet sauce and chewy..yet thin crust. They make their own salad dressings..such as tomato vinagrette (my personal fave)...and even offer cupcakes as dessert for a small donation.

On this particular day we noticed the parking lot was fairly full when we pulled up which was a bit unusual (not that the place is bad because its totally my favorite pizza ever).
When we walked in we were overwhelmed by the amount of people inside. The place is not very large. It has at most, around 15 tables. There was so much noise, we almost missed the sound of those local bands playing loudly over the speakers....which was also..very unusual since the music usually dominated our conversations. For the first time in over a year of frequenting our pizza joint, we had to wait for a table.

It wasn't long..maybe five minutes until we got a table. The table had not been cleared off from the previous tenants, but we weren't in a hurry and knew the girl would get to it as soon as she could. While waiting patiently at our table, we noticed the server walking around the large room quickly...rushing to get drinks to one table, and food to another. Was this girl left alone to serve 15 tables? Ten minutes passed and we realized she was super busy. We knew the drill..so we got our own drinks to try to help her out. We got our drinks and returned to our table just as a tray with drinks came crashing down next to the booth behind us. The lone server had dropped an entire tray of drinks on the floor. The ice flew in every direction and water splashed on my feet. Then......

The server started crying.

I could see her frustration as she dropped the tray to her side.

Then..the entire restaurant of customers went into action. One man went to get someone in the back to mop the mess up. Another man started grabbing plates to take back to be washed. Another man went to refill his own cup. Everyone went into survival mode almost. It was amazing to watch. In that moment, I was pretty proud...

In this world where people seem to think only of themselves. Its a now society. We want the best of things, we want them now and we are entitled to things.

Everyone saw how hard the girl had been working....and we all felt compassion toward her. She was doing a great job..as usual. We often had her as our server when going there. She finally got to our table after finding her composure.

We told her she was doing a great job and there was no rush. It was probably the longest meal we had ever had at our super famous cracker thin crust pizza joint, but it didn't matter.

When the girl came to bring us our check, she whispered..."I gave you your drinks for free because you were so nice to me."

We gave her that right back in extra tips. What a girl. She was overwhelmed...but she regained her composure really quickly. 5 or 10 minutes before we left, another man came in to work. It sounded like he had been called in because the girl apologized when he walked in. I've never seen such outstanding teamwork. He clocked in and went right to work helping her.

It is things like these that make me want to go back. It didn't matter that we didn't have a seat when we first walked in. It didn't matter that the table we finally got hadn't been cleared off yet. It didn't matter that we had to get our own drinks. It didn't matter that we didn't get our salad until half way through our meal. It didn't matter that our pizza was a little on the old side.

The fact that she took the time to notice that people were being nice to her....when she was too busy to even take a deep breath..showed a lot about her character.

So God bless you awesome pizza server girl. Maybe I'll stop by tomorrow just to say hi.

Hope #14- That a certain special girl be blessed

Happy 6th (!) Birthday to a sweet little girl.

You're sWeEt as a fudge covered sundae after a long hot bike ride by the river.
---One night I was tucking you into bed and you wanted a book but I had a bad headache...you said, "I hope you feel better soon mommy".

You're SmArT!
---Your teacher praised you time and time again in kindergarten for trying so hard and performing above your level. Amazing!

You're cOmPaSsIoN is something to be desired.
---Before going to your dad's house for the summer, I checked your bags to make sure you had everything you needed. While opening a side pocket on your luggage, I discovered a small book. The book had bible verses and talked about God. You said, "I'm going to bring this book to daddy's and talk to him about Jesus."
You do that girl.....shine bright.

Your lOvE pours out like water rushing over Niagra Falls.
---There's never a morning that I don't hear, "Hugs!" There's never an evening that I don't hear, "Kisses!"

You're ArTiStIc! Every piece of art has a story to tell. It is never just a picasso.
---If I kept every single piece of artwork you have created over the past couple years, we would have to call the fire department to come rescue us from the mountain. I sure wish we owned more property....I'd let the mountain grow.....:)

You're FrEe SpIrItEd and dEtErMiNeD.
---You got on the back of a boat in an intertube all by yourself at just 5 years old. Amazing. I didn't do that until I was 21.
---I've watched you learn to ride your bike, tie your shoes, blow bubbles, learn to read, make your own peanut butter and jelly sandwich, write your alphabet...you may get frustrated while you're getting there, but you are determined! That determination will get you a long way. Be determined! Don't settle for mediocre. Be your best!

I'm loving getting to know you more each day. I absolutely love watching you learn new things. The look on your face when you finally accomplish something is priceless. I hold those moments in my memory forever.

As each year passes, I have to loosen my grip on those reigns just a little bit more. As hard as it is to let go a little, its also very rewarding for me. I get to watch you take those things you've been taught and act them out. I may let go of those reigns one day, but you better believe I'll be right next to you with my hand out, ready to help you when you need it. I'll always be there.

What an awesome gift you are to me.
Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

Hope #13 - That I can recognize ropes and climb myself out

Life is full of ups and downs, loops and holes, yes's and no's, good's and bad's, bumps and crevices...it just never seems to end.

For some people, it seems things go smoothly. They're good at this, they're good at that...they slide right in to their nitch in life. Me.........not so much. With every new stage of my life, comes many bumps, many crevices, many holes, and many downs. My life looks like a piece of lace. Just when I think something is going smoothly, I fall in a hole. The bright side is, I can always look forward to another smooth spot....even if it is just for a little bit.

So recently, I decided it was time to move from a small fish in a small river to a small fish in the huge ocean. Its time to get serious about school..and my future. The river is the community college I've been attending for the past year. The ocean is the university where I will hopefully give the rest of my money from dear ol' Uncle Sam..all in an effort to receive a piece of paper. I applied...got all my transcripts sent.....and waited. Waited...and waited and waited. Finally a month passed and I received a call with questions about my high school diploma. High school! That was ten years ago! Well, that's a whole different story for a different time, but she said she would have to speak with her director and give me a call back. Although she never called me back, I randomly looked at the website today to see if they had made a decision because it sounded like I may not be admitted based on some questionable classes on my high school transcript. Well...it said approved.

Crazy how one little word can make such a huge difference in someone's life....

Crazy how I've been able to pull myself out of the darkest hole of my life...which was high school...and get to this point.

When I get to the next hole, I'll just make sure to look around better...because there is always a rope for me to pull myself out. I just need to take a deep breath and recognize it.

Go Mocs!